Friday, June 17, 2011

I'm Loving You, So Why Aren't You Loving Me Back, Damn It?!

Are you and I able to love freely and without expectation of being loved in return? Or should we even have such an expectation or not?

I don't think it is too much to expect to receive love or know that we deserve love. But here's the clincher for me lately, and I have a ways to go before I fully and consistently implement it:

When we love someone, we can expect that we will receive the love that we need, but it might not come back from the person we are expecting or wanting it to come from.

How often have you, how often have I, loved someone as much as we thought we possibly could, yet in the back of our minds and in our hearts we had ulterior motives. We often love others because we want to feel good in return. Don't spend too much time beating yourself up over this; I think most of us do it at one time or another. But now we can stop. Why? Because it often leads to great frustration.

Have you ever loved someone so much but they still refuse to supply you with the warm fuzzies you desire? This often happens when we have romantic feelings for someone. We say we want to love them, but really what we mean (sometimes) is that "I want you to fill this void in my life, and damn it, why aren't you doing it?" This results, according to the writer Henri Nouwen, in a kind of emotional violence, and a sometimes intense dissatisfaction or bitterness.

So what is the "better way?". We can say a thousand times that we want to love selflessly and give purely, so why not try doing so? I think we can be so resistant to doing this because if we do this we don't know or understand where we'll receive our love from. And that terrifies us.

But this is where I believe a great truth comes in: If we truly love someone without expectation of receiving love from them in return, which is perhaps the purest kind of love there is, you can count on the Universe bringing you the love that you need and desire, though it may not come from the person you have previously expected it to come from.

This requires a trust in the Universe (or if you prefer God or Life), that as much pure love as you put out there, you will receive it back to you. The Bible says that God will give you the desires of your heart, but it doesn't say that it will come from expected sources.

Trust in Life.

Know that your need for love will be met.

Try to love the people in your life without expectation.

You are Blessed,

Mark Andrew