Friday, April 27, 2012

You Deserve To Be Happy, It's Not Too Late

I'm starting this blogpost as I stand waiting for the bus to take me to the laundromat, and I shall finish it there as my unmentionables are tossing around the industrial washer, so this post could be a little disjointed. But hey, what's wrong with that, eh?

My beginning point is that you deserve all the happiness in the world. The dreams that you've harboured in your beating heart since perhaps you were a little girl or boy on the schoolyard monkeybars are still valid and they are there for a reason. They can be rediscovered.

So what happened? Why are our dreams often left unfulfilled? Because we grew up and life became more complicated. Perhaps things happen to us that gradually beat us down.

Our family of origin becomes a nightmare, a place of survival rather than of nourishment.

High school or college relationships that we once thought were rock solid instead end on the rocks.

Religion is introduced into our lives that tell us we can only be truly happy if we do this or if we do that.

We get ensnared by drug or alcohol abuse.

We become ill.

We take a "temporary job" to pay the bills and find ourselves still there 10 years later, each year sucking the creativity out of us more and more.

So what do we do? We start to believe that true happiness and joy may not be for us. It may be for our friends or the person across the street, but it's too late for us. We're too old, too damaged, too jaded.
Yet still, as the years go by and everyone else seems to be having happy lives, we still hold a memory in our hearts of what our dreams once looked like. And sometimes that makes it even harder. We see how our lives could have been and we see the reality of how they actually are.

And so we settle, we do what we have to do in order to make it from day to day. Life isn't about evolving or growing, but maintaining or surviving.

We settle in our jobs, as I mentioned previously. I've done this.

We settle in our relationships. We don't want to be alone so we settle for relationships with people we know are not compatible with us and don't truly love us for who we really are. I've done this too. Have you ever sat in a Tim Hortons and watched old couples sitting around you, and they never speak to each other; rather they stare off into the distance? I want to be in one of those life-long relationships where you see old couples walking down the street still holding hands and talking with each other.

I want to remind you, I want to remind me, that we deserve to be happy. There is still that childlike dreamer within you whether you're 22 or 72, and as long as you have breath you can see the happiness you deserve. We have to get back to believing in our essential goodness, that's key. Statements like "No one could ever love me" or "My dreams are just too stupid" need to be tossed onto the garbage heap once and for all.
We need to build up our power again that may have been left dormant for many many years. We might need this power if we are to kick our drug habits, start thinking about a new career or new volunteer work, or finally saying goodbye to a belittling, corrosive relationship.

You can do it, I believe in you.

And here's something key: You don't deserve to go it alone. We are made for relationship. Start surrounding yourself with friends who see the true you. Find a social group that you can interact with regularly even if you're used to being alone. Maybe it's time to rekindle or discover your own spiritual path.

No matter how old you are, no matter how very screwed up you may think you are, I'm here to say that there's still time.

You are beautiful.

Your dreams live.

You deserve to be happy.