Saturday, November 27, 2010

Opening A Walled-Up Heart

930pm - Bay & Dundas, Toronto

It's the end of my day in Toronto and I've had a wonderful time with my best friend Ken. I've enjoyed walking around looking at the Christmas decorations and drinking Starbucks. I am wonderfully blessed, and tomorrow will be the same!

I have learned a couple things today as well as been reminded of a thing or two.

1) I like Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Latte, but not as much as something chocolatey.

2) When a friend tells you that there will be provocatively dressed waitresses at the restaurant you'll be going to, don't necessarily believe him. (Actually to be fair they showed up later, and the place was called W Burger Bar. They serve Bison Burgers there too.)

3) I've been reminded again how bless-ed it is to have a friend you can tell absolutely anything to without judgment.

I'm also thinking of how wonderful it is to open up a closed heart. I think we can close up our hearts for many reasons. One reason may be because we think we're too fucked up for someone to love us. And we make up excuses like "when I have this figured out" or "when I've fixed that part of me" then I'll open up my heart. And to be truthful, sometimes we do need to work through issues before entering into friendships or relationships. But guess what:

1) To one extent we're all fucked up somehow, and...

2) It's ok to need other people. This is an important one for me to keep learning. For quite awhile I was afraid to need someone too much, probably because of relationships I have witnessed in my life. But then you can go to extremes and wall up your heart because you don't want to be too needy. To this line of thinking I would say "Trust Yourself. You aren't as fucked up as you think. You are worthy to be loved." In fact, we deserve to be loved, you and I.

Being alone may indeed be safer, but it isn't as satisfying. As my best friend said today, it's in relationships that we learn. We are made for relationships. It's ok to want that someone to curl up on the couch with, to lay beside on a cold winter's night that can be so deep. Sure you make yourself more vulnerable, but no risk no reward. And the reward can be so rich. As you give love your heart opens up and feels the way you have so wanted to feel.

Let's tear down the walls around our hearts. I'll try my best.

Sent from my Tricorder.